Things have to change people. First of all, this blog needs more attention. So here I am. In an effort to begin marketing and networking for myself, here I am. But, how do you market and network with social anxiety? Really? Anyone know?
Once in front of people, I rock it. However, getting me in front of people...that's a whole other deal. You want me to email? I got you. You want me to make copies and mail? I got you. You want me to cold call? What? Are you a nut job? Seriously, who invented that strategy? It works though right? So yeah, gotta do it.
So here I am, a semi new practitioner trying to market and network with social anxiety. Why can't they just like me and come see me? Please, if you're reading this...I'm an awesome therapist. Just come check me out!
Anyhow people, the point is...social anxiety. How do we recover? How do we get through this in high demand people facing careers. (I'm gonna sell now...) . It's called using your DBT skills. Using your distress tolerance skills to radically accept that this is what needs to happen, and then lower your heart rate. It's using your mindfulness on a daily basis, sometimes multiple times, to center yourself and bring a sense of calm so you can get through your challenges. You need to use those interpersonal effectiveness skills to talk to people you find it difficult to talk to, and most importantly learn how to ask for things when you're too socially awkward to do so. Finally, emotionally regulating that anxiety and pushing it aside or using opposite action to move forward with the task at hand.
To learn more, I posted the oh so famous 'What the Heck Is DBT' video on my press page. Give it a gander. The video may be targeted at the youth, but DBT works for adults and older adults as well. If you find it interesting, reach out to me. I can help, or find you someone who can.
Have a good day people! Always smile!
I watch the morning news daily. I get a lot of news items in my mail box, most of which I take the time to read, and admittedly some I delete because I just don't have time. The point is, I like to be educated on what is going on. I'm not the type of person to go out and begin conversations on what I read or hear, I just like to educate myself. I pride myself on my knowledge base. Well, occasionally I see things that fire me up. Even with that, I don't necessarily share my opinions. I'm not an activist. I'm not a very vocalized person, however I have a big heart and it still feels. So this news article I'm about to go off about really just hit my heart in all the wrong places.
Family Dollar is about to begin selling alcohol in their stores. Now, to make it clear it won't be a dollar, but it's in Family Dollar so it won't be out of reach unaffordable either. So tell me, what is the need to market alcohol at a lower price in the areas that Family Dollars are located? I want to know who did this market research and said 'hey, this is a great fucking idea!'.
I'm not spending my blog post discussing the horrible idea this is. I'm not spending my time typing that this is another ploy to keep marginalized Americans marginalized. This is an attempt to introduce temptation to younger and younger individuals and ultimately encouraging criminalization. Nope, not gonna do it. I'm gonna let all the people who have spoken up already do that. Please see my 'Press' page and read.
I'm very disappointed in favored majority that sat in a room and decided this was a great idea. I'm very disappointed in the people who continue to run this country with their eyes closed and pretend these things are not real.
What are we going to do? We can't boycott. Some American families need these stores. Hell, my small hometown no houses a distribution center for these stores. They would not exist without this distribution center. But, something needs to be done. Help. We need to help marginalized American's and prevent further criminalization of their lifestyles.
I subscribe to a service that shares articles of my interest on the daily. Usually it's all mental health related, but there is some lifestyle stuff in there too. Today one of the articles was a duplicate from before, that apparently I did not read mindfully the first time around. (Shh...don't tell...) I re-read it today and came across this gold nugget.
"Some professional advice: If you're trying to do something next to impossible, carve out some crying time. There's no shame there. Just cry. What you're going through is f-ing hard." - Jessica Wildfire
Where was this nugget when I was in grad school? Where was it when I started working again after ten years of unemployment? That was hard, but I was raised very differently. Women do not cry, women carry the family through and make sure it's taken care of. NO CRYING. But, in all honesty there should not be any guilt in crying and letting it out.
But, I want to remind you that good coping skills are always a good tool to have around. Play guitar, color, draw thousands of stick people, whatever makes you happy. Go out and try that thing you've always wanted to try but never did. Now's the time. Build those positive experiences. Build your happiness. Hopefully, the hard things won't be so hard if you're surrounding yourself with good things.
I'm not saying don't cry, by all means do it! We all need a good cry! I just want to remind everyone that life is hard, but it's meant to be fun too. This article was about proving people wrong and doing what you want to do. (BTW...it's posted on the 'Press' page) I'm all for that! It's your life! Do with it what you want, just enjoy it!
So the point is, build those coping skills, cry when you need to cry, just be sure you're doing what makes you happy and will be your reward in the end. Read the article on the 'Press' page. Become inspired!
Now...to share my favorite skit on crying...Admit it...we've all been there!
Dane Cook: Weep-a-thon
This past weekend I got to experience something really amazing, an almost spiritual experience. I met some amazing people. People like me. Passionate people. It sounds silly, but it's true. I'd like to give a quick shout out to the AKF Squad of SPN Survivors (https://spnsurvivors.org/akf-squad/) for allowing me the opportunity to speak with you and possibly become part of your community. I'd also like to thank IMALIVE (https://www.imalive.org/) for bringing me in on their conversation, offering me to be part of their family, and to spread their word through my practice.
These people understand what it means to lose, or be on that threshold of loss that eats away at your heart and never get those pieces back. On the outside the problem may seem as if it fixed itself to others, but those who love you and you yourself know the difference. Organizations like this keep that alive and keep it in the spotlight.
I know this blog has been sparse, but I hope with time and support that will change. Sometimes you let the wrong things in life take over and you drown, well that's where I was people. I was drowning in some pretty dark waters. I'm hoping that all that has changed and I will be able to keep up on the good things in life.
Visit my friends websites. Read the book I so blatantly advertised on this page. Become inspired to tell your story. You can tell it here if you'd like. Just whatever you do, don't hide from it or keep it in. You need to get it out and share.
I love you all-Charity XOXO
First of all, it's been a while. I've been super busy making several transitions in life, all good transitions. The transitions have just been time consuming, and tiring. I find myself forgetting self-care A LOT!
You should know that at this point, the therapist in me is going to come out.
Mindfulness. (Also posted an article on this on the press page) . It's important. Not only to be aware of what is around you and to be present, but it's great for you mind and after practice little things like the toner won't be an issue. Eventually, little things won't be an issue at all. Go here for more help: www.mindful.org/how-to-practice-mindfulness/
My last suggestion, write it down. Keep a journal. Keep track of those negative emotions. When are you feeling them? What's happening at the time you are feeling them? What were your urges? How did you react? How did you feel about your reactions? Could you have reacted better? How could you react next time that would leave you with a more positive emotion?
Really, read the two articles related to his post. They are GOOD and very helpful.
Hey guys, have a happy day and remember to smile!
P.S. Sorry for the font, color, etc. changes. I am still learning!
Hello All! I'll be blogging again soon, just wanted you to know that you can now book appointments with me! Go to www.balanceandpotential.com to find me, or read my Psychology Today profile! Maybe I'll see you soon!
Today I take a major step in my career. This is what I started this career for. Today will not only change my life, but hopefully the life a child's for the better as well. However, it almost didn't happen.
For the first time in my life I was the victim of an attack on my career. A petty, petty attack on my career. This is my career, my license, the future that I am attempting to make for my family. Someone actually attempted last week to take it all away from me for a petty reason. I've heard about workplace bullying, hell I posted an article on this website a few weeks ago regarding the topic. I just never thought I'd be a victim to this degree.
In our industry it is important that we remember who our consumer is. Our consumer isn't the usual consumer of goods. We are treating fragile individuals who need care and love, and most importantly advocacy. When you attack someone working hard to make those things happen for the consumer, you in turn are attacking the consumer. It is always about the client, and never about yourself. My boss once told me, "we don't do this to drive luxury cars, or live in big houses, we do this to put on a cape in the morning and attempt to save a few lives". She is absolutely right.
I chose this career because I had extra room in my heart and I wanted to share it. I give my all to my work, and to my clients, sometimes to my detriment. I will continue to do so, as that is what I believe I was put on this earth to do. It breaks my heart that there are people who lose sight of why we are in this industry.
I'm gonna go put my cape on now, and hopefully change a life for the better today.
I have so much I should be doing, which is why a post has not been made in so long. But here I am, I have to post. With the passing of Senator McCain memories have come sweeping through my mind non-stop. Yesterday was a rough, depressing day. It was difficult to get anything done, yet I did. It has been eight years since my tumor was found and removed by the magical hands of one of the best neurosurgeons in Atlanta. The entire process was a whirlwind. A scary whirlwind. I did not have time to process what was even happening to me until well after it happened to me. I was having migraines and blacking out. One day I had an MRI, the next day the doctor called and told me to go to the neurosurgeon the next day, that day the neurosurgeon admitted me to the neuro-ICU in case I blacked out again, that morning I had surgery to have a golf ball sized tumor removed from the 4th ventricle of my brain. Then I spent the next ten days in the hospital recovering from the surgery crying in pain and honestly…not remembering much of it. I remember the double vision for days, I remember the assistance needed when walking for days. I remember I couldn’t take stairs. I remember the anxiety when going outside. I remember crying when leaving the hospital because I was worried no one could take care of me the way they could.
The thing was, I wasn’t out of the woods yet. It turned out that the type of tumor I had was very rare for an adult to get. It was also very rare for it to just be in the brain, it also affects the spine. So here I was going through it all again this time having my spine looked at. Having the tumor reviewed by an oncologist to be sure radiation was not necessary. I’m happy to report that radiation was not necessary, and my spine was fine. This is why I praise my neurosurgeon for the wonderful man he is and the talent his hands hold. It was a few weeks later that my incision began leaking and I spent another seven days in the hospital. It turns out that material used to seal the incision began to leak. Talk about freaking me out!
After years of MRI’s every six months, and freaking out every time I got a migraine, I’m fine. So far so good. Which is remarkable given that the type of tumor I had has a high likelihood of returning.
Each time someone passes of brain cancer, my heart hurts. It reminds me of how lucky I was in my situation, and how difficult others are. Sometimes I wish I could share the wonderful brain and hands of my neurosurgeon across the world, but would that be enough? To be honest, the loss to brain cancer is low. Most times the tumor can be removed and treated with radiation, but there are times when it’s more complicated. If you would like to know more about brain tumors, cancer, and all things toxic to the brain please visit: http://braintumor.org/brain-tumor-information/understanding-brain-tumors/
This blog is late, but work is 110% of my life right now. Taking time for blog posts...who has time for that? But I made a promise, mostly to myself, but a promise nonetheless. These blogs will tell a story, eventually, but before that we’re going to skip around a lot.
Recently, I’ve been overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with work, with home life, with health problems. I absolutely cannot keep up with life. But I’ve been trying. I put on my smiley face and I walk amongst the crowds and I try. Somehow, I’m producing at work. Not timely, but I’m producing. Somehow, the bills are paid, and we haven’t been evicted yet. Somehow, I haven’t ended up in the hospital…well again…and I get up every day without getting sick. My daughter gets to school, as far as I know she gets that support she needs. She hasn’t said otherwise.
In the meantime, at the end of the day I don’t remember a thing that I did. Was I successful? Did I fail someone? What’s going to go wrong tomorrow? Something is absolutely going to go wrong tomorrow.
The thing is, these are everyday motions. I go through these motions. I don’t enjoy them. I want to enjoy them. I didn’t go to college and grad school in my 30’s and begin my career in my 40’s to go through the motions. I wanted to live. I wasn’t living before, I want to live now. I want to be a mom, a wife, a therapist, and the best damn worker the agency has. The thing is…I’m tired. I’m tired all the time. I put so much in and get so little out that I get so tired. Not to mention, illness happened. It slowed me down incredibly. (People, taking care of your health should always be your number one priority. ALWAYS.)
So, I’m stuck. I know what I want. How do I get there? Mindfulness? Self-care? I’ll find the path, because that’s what I do. I find solutions, and I always have.
In the meantime, I’ll keep rocking this happy face, this smile, and moving forward with my life and my career. It will all fall into place. Just don’t ever think it comes easy, and that it ever stops becoming work. Success is work. Success is the goal.
This girl has come a long way from that little girl who marched into kindergarten like she owned the place. From her first day of school, there was no doubt that she was going to be successful, and that year she won the citizenship award.
I am a Master Social Work graduate from UGA, and absolutely LOVE what I do. I specialize in DBT therapy, and enjoy working adolescent teens and adults. I hope you enjoy my blog, it's been a long time in the making! *HUGS!*